10 Years

I can hardly believe it.  I have a 10 year old! 

 This beautiful, amazing, silly, wonderful, smart girl came into my life 10 years ago today and while sadness and grief reigned for the night, JOY came in the morning!
She is, in many ways, a constant reminder of God's goodness.  Of His provision.  Of His mercies and love.  When I think back to this day ten years ago, I am reminded of the immense sadness I felt about her diagnosis.  But, I'm also reminded of the love for her that washed over me.  A powerful love like I could not have imagined before that day.   I'm so blessed to have experienced the power of that love with four more children.  But, my sweet Jordan was the beginning of it all. 

I love you so much, Jordan-bug!  Happy 10th Birthday, Beautiful! 

Organized Mom Series: Part 4: Organized Places

First of all, I want to say that I am blown away by the response from this series! Thank you for the encouragement and I'm so glad it is helping so many of you!   I'm running low on ideas, so if you have some topics you'd like me to talk about, let me know. 

Now, for organizing all the stuff!

I like the things that live in my home to have a home.  A place to be when not in use.  I know people that are far more rigid about this than I am and others that are far more lax about it. Which must make me the "happy medium."  :)  We are all different and just like everything else we've talked about in this series, the important thing is finding what works for your family in a way that lines up with the priorities God has for you. For me, its about teaching my kids to be good stewards of what we own; making things easy to find when we need them, while keeping the clutter to a minimum.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you that cleaning out closets or drawers, organizing, creating storage solutions, etc is like pure therapy for me. When I'm stressed, I clean stuff out! I purge, I move things around, I reorganize, I straighten ... and then ... I feel all better. Or at least a little better.  {Guess what I've been doing like crazy the past few months? ahem.}

I recognize its my way of coping with things I can't control.

Like life.

But, I digress.

Generally speaking, I like to keep 'like with like' and store it near where it is used/needed. Say, for example, dishes in the kitchen and toilet paper in the bathroom ... that kind of thing. :)   Its not rocket science, but sometimes it does require some thought. 

I also try to have a purpose in mind for each room.  Obviously, most rooms have an implied purpose, but I try to zoom in on that a bit.  Basically a way for me to evaluate what goes into the room.  For example, in our study, we have a large bookcase that houses most of our books and games as well as my craft supplies and some office supplies.  If it doesn't fit into one of those categories (or isn't pretty to look at it), it has to live somewhere else.   I try to keep my laundry room down to things used for small storage, cleaning, laundry or getting out the door.   Rooms can quickly become dumping grounds if they don't have some "ground rules."

Not only do I like tidy, but I married a man who also prefers it.  He's worse than me.  If he had his rathers, our house would not look like children live in it.  Let's just say he's not a fan of toys-strewn-about.  Or play kitchens in the breakfast room.  Or playdoh on the table.  Or toys out-of-place. 

Fan or not, this is his current reality.  But, in the spirit of happily-ever-after, I try to appease him as much as possible.  We usually do a quick put-everything-away-that-appears-childlike straighten before he comes home in the evening.  And, I've found that as long as the family room is tidy, he endures the rest. 
At the end of the day, I want him to find our home peaceful and relaxing; a haven.  We keep our library books and video games in the family room, but otherwise, child-paraphernalia is housed elsewhere. 

Which I think is sorta funny ... I mean it is called the family room after all!   :) 

And lest he sound like an ogre, Ed is a really fun dad.  He just likes to pretend the kids don't exist after they hit the hay.  :)  Its how he unwinds.  So, even though I may not totally understand his need, I still try to respect it. 
I'm up for sharing room-by-room organization/storage ideas - if anyone is interested.  If there's a particular place you want details on, say the word.  I'm not an expert by any means, but I do enjoy it and I'll happily share what works for me! 

From Jacob

Hi, this is Jacob. My mom said I could write a note on her blog.  I am selling popcorn for cub scouts.  If you want to buy some click here http://www.trails-end.com/estore/home_alt.jsp?_requestid=793849
Thank you for helping me!

Jacob

Blinded

I find it interesting that things can be so hidden in plain sight.  How, once revealed, they seem so obvious and unmistakable.  Yet, they were unseen. 

I think God knows how much truth we can handle.  For a level of maturity, a season or even our whole lives.  He knows how easily we get overwhelmed.  Certainly, if he had shown me 20 years ago that this would be my life, I would have run screaming the other direction.  I wouldn't have felt capable.  I might have ended up in the belly of a whale.  Or something.  I am thankful He reveals little pieces at a time.  Because small pieces are still a lot to take in!  And, I'm grateful He is faithful to equip us for the journey He calls us to.  Even though I still wanna run screaming some days!  :)

There have been two overriding themes of God's work in my life the past couple years that have come into laser focus the last few months.  One centers around lies about God I have bought into.  Lies that I think are perpetuated by the church.  By 'the church,' I'm referring to the modern, American Christian church as a whole.  The other is about me.  Me, me, me, me, me and me.  Selfishness.  Interestingly enough, God has intertwined the two and revealed just how selfishly I view Him! 

The past few years, I've grown weary of church.  I don't mean the building or even the people.   I mean all the canned, Americanized answers for God.  All the legalism disguised and described as faith, obedience and blessings.   Everything tied up with a nice, neat little bow - while anything that doesn't fit in the little box gets ignored.  The idea that if we just do it all right enough then nothing but "blessings" will come into our lives.  That somehow if we live right enough, God will protect us from bad things.  The idea that somehow we earn what we get. 

The problem with this thinking is that A) Its not Biblical.  Minor detail.  We are not capable of doing it right enough.  Hence, Jesus!  B) We also have to own the reverse lie - that when bad things do happen, it must be because I wasn't righteous or obedient enough.   And C) That good/bad are measured merely by how it makes me feel.  If I don't like it, it must be bad and if I do like it or it makes me feel good, then it must be good (or a blessing).  Because no blessing of mine would show up feeling bad!

Do you see the selfishness wrapped up in this thinking?  Its all about ME!!  It shows itself in the way we view and handle difficulties, inconveniences and problems.  In the way we view the positive things in our lives - when we become prideful in believing that we somehow deserve the good we have.  In the way we pray, asking for what makes us feel good.  Even in the ways we worship - we want to feel good in worship, we want it to be entertaining or "right" enough for our standards!  In the way we view the role of church in our lives.  Isn't it frequently about what we can get out of it?  How it makes us feel, what activities they provide for us or our children; how entertained we are during the services.  How much we like the people. We expect the church to teach us all we need to know about the Lord.  We want to show up on Sunday, have a nice time, feel good, look good and go home without an ounce of energy to expend in our relationship with God.  All the while, expecting nothing but blessings to rain down.  Because as Americans, we are into the idea of convenience.  In all things.  Including our faith.  Our churches have bought into it as well - they entertain us, so we'll show up.  They provide more and more activities so our kids will show up.  They water down the Scriptures so it feels good - and we don't have to be convicted.  Its a vicious cycle!  When the teaching doesn't come back around to reveal the selfishness that grips our hearts, we end up with even more of it!  And the cycle continues.

That's not to say there aren't profound blessings when we live according to God's will.  I believe there are also difficult consequences that result from living outside of His will.  But, being a Christian isn't so much about following rules or feeling good - its about a relationship with a Savior that we can't live without! Its about living in accordance with what He has called us to, as unique individuals.  To live out the priorities He has in mind for us - whether they are convenient and cozy or not!  About living our lives in a way that brings glory to God, even if it means something less than pleasure for us.  About living out our faith, rather than expecting it to live out in spite of us!  It isn't always pretty.  It doesn't always feel good.  I believe that God IS good and that His plans are only for good.  But good in our economy is so different from God's!  The Bible says, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."  Isaiah 55:8  Just because something doesn't feel good to us, doesn't mean it is not good!  Our emotions are fickle and untrustworthy!  We cannot rely on them to guide our faith.  If we trust that God is good, then we trust it when blessings overflow AND in our deepest pains.  Even when our human minds can't begin to comprehend our circumstances as good.


I struggled after Jordan was born with this whole concept.  That somehow Jordan having Down Syndrome and a heart defect was a result of my sins.  It was all about ME.  I always knew it wasn't a mistake.  That God wasn't looking down, saying, "Uh.Oh!"  But, it didn't occur to me until a few years later that God may have specific purposes in creating her the way He did.  Purposes bigger than my wants and desires.  Plans to bring glory to Himself.  He began to reframe it for me - to reveal that being Jordan's mom was a privilege - not just because I love her - but because I get a front row seat to see His hand at work. 
 
I struggle again with Jackson's death.  Differently this time, but still with the selfishness.  I can't help but wonder, Why?  Why even create him in the first place?  Its easy to stand back and look at our culture and see the entitlement mentality; the pervasive consummation with self.  But, to stand back and see it in my faith?  Wow, that was hard.  God has graciously given me a glimpse of His purposes with Jackson.  A purpose that I could not have imagined in a million years.  And, here's the kicker ... it has absolutely nothing to do with ME!!!  Don't think that little revelation didn't send me into a tailspin.  On the one hand, I was praising God for revealing purpose for my precious little boy.  Purpose in why He created Jackson - and purpose in why he died when he did.  What a gift!!  An expected, beautiful gift that I wouldn't have even asked for.  And yet, at the end of it, I was left with this ... How can this NOT be about ME?  He's MY baby! 

I don't have all the answers.  I can't explain it away.  I certainly can't wrap it up in a nice neat little package that feels good for me or anyone else.  All I know is that not everything is about me.  Even when it feels like it should be.  At the end of the day, its all about God bringing about His plans, His purposes and receiving His glory!  And since God has chosen this journey for us, I want to walk it out in a way that honors Him!  A way that glorifies Him.   

Reading is always therapeutic for me and here are a couple books that are helping me work some of this out.

I recently finished Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl

by Lysa TerKeurst - I highly recommend it.  Especially if you're like me and fed up with canned, feel-good Christianity.

I've also started Radical by David Platt.  This one will rock your world!  Its a MUST READ for every believer!!!!

We need a fresh look at Christianity.  At God.  God has so much more in store than just US!  I don't know about you, but I'm kinda tired of ME!