How Does this Happen?

When I was the mom of just two, I remember seeing this picture:

After gasping, then laughing hysterically (because they are not my children), I could not for the life of me figure out how something like that could happen.  I mean, c'mon!  Where was the mother??? 

Then I had two more children.  Who were not like my first two children.  At all.

They do their part to help me understand how things like that happen. Even with me here.

Today, Jace decided that drawing on himself ...

AND our leather sofa

with a PEN 

was a good idea.

While I *thought* he was watching a movie.  The older three were playing Uno at the kitchen table.  And, I was cleaning out the refrigerator.  We weren't even technically out of the room!

Thankfully, we have a family friend who restores leather.  He told me to use alcohol to get the ink out.  I have witch hazel and hydrogen peroxide in my house.  But no alcohol.  Of course.  So, I ran to Walgreens and bought a rather large bottle.

After using nearly half the bottle

My sofa now looks like this:

Well, that's better.  Don't ya think?

Thankfully, Eddie is out of town.  He would have a stroke!  Even more thankfully, the leather-master-family-friend is coming tomorrow to (PLEASE, Lord!) restore the color.  I'm hoping that by the time Ed gets home, this will all be funny.  In the meantime, today would not be the day to check my blog, honey.  :)

Thanks to reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, I somehow moved uncharacteristically quickly from "OH NO! OH MY GOSH! OH NO! I'm gonna throw up" panic-mode

to

"Thank you, Lord, for this little ornery boy. Even with ink on my sofa, I'm thankful for him. I'm thankful to have a sofa.  And a friend who restores leather.  For the ability to run to Walgreens to buy alcohol.  For the elbow grease needed to rub ink out for an hour and a half."  Many gifts in the midst of frustration.  Always.  We just have to see.  Oh, how I want that to become my natural reaction.

If you haven't read that book, you should.  Just don't get your 3 year old to write on the sofa to see if its changed you.  I don't recommend that.

Hopefully, I will have some "just like new" photos to post after tomorrow. {fingers crossed}

Command Central

I posted a picture of our new "command central" on facebook this morning and had no idea how much attention it would get.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who needs this!   As suggested in the fb comments, I'm posting the details here  :)
This past year has not been pretty.  Behaviorally, my kids have fallen apart.  Bad attitudes and disobedience abound.  As the mature, responsible parent that I am, I've responded by nagging, yelling, threatening - all of it in completely unpredictable patterns.  :) 

One of the benefits of having lots of kids (if you consider 4 a lot) is many hands to do the work!  But, when I have to nag and whine and yell just to get them to dress themselves, it doesn't feel much like help.  Our old system wasn't cutting it anymore - mainly because I didn't "inspect what I expect" (love that phrase!), so I had to find a way to build in accountability for me as well.

I've told y'all before I'm not creative.  I have very few original ideas - and this is no different :)  I have been "collecting" ideas from several places (here, here, here, here and here) for the past few weeks and combined them into something that will work for our family.  I've purchased pre-made chore charts and such before.  I didn't want to spend any money this time and I wanted something that would combine chores, behavior, family rules, scheduling, the whole shebang into one system, while being easy for me.  'Cause, at the end of the day, if its not easy it won't last! 

Big picture:

 I glued baseball card protector pages with the side & one end cut off to a poster board so they act as pockets.  The craft sticks have the kids' chores written on them.  Once a week, I place the sticks in the appropriate pocket.  The kids pull the stick(s) for that day, complete the work and leave the stick in the kitchen, so I know the work is ready for inspection (accountability for me!).  Once it passes inspection, they put the stick in their bucket (our kids have been color-coded for some time, so they know which one is theirs - though it would be cute to label it. Target generally sells the buckets in their $1 section).  These are all unpaid chores - work they do to contribute to the family (I really like Dave Ramsey's philosophy on this).  If they complete this work (without reminders, complaining, etc), they are allowed to choose a paid chore from a bucket I keep in the kitchen.  Sundays are pay day.  They receive their weekly "commission" as well as any money they earned from paid chores.  The white bucket contains extra chores (or "trouble chores" as Jadyn calls them) and they are used for behavior issues related to our family rules (below). 

Family Rules:

 I boiled all our rules down to one word:  R.E.S.P.E.C.T.  :)  Respect for parents, siblings, property, others & self.  Each heading has some more detailed examples of what it looks like.  You can download ours here.  If they break a rule, they go to the chart and accept their discipline and read the Bible verse(s) associated with it.  If they break the same rule again that day, they move on to the Motivator (including extra chores).  This has made discipline consistent.  No need for me to yell, nag, threaten, etc ... and no need for them to get angry with me over unfair punishments I'm doling out just because I'm grumpier than the last time the same behavior occurred.  This week has been much calmer and happier for all of us!

Weekly Schedule

 I added a dry erase weekly schedule I found at Target. It has a space for each family member, which I love. Our weeks get really busy, so this will come in very handy in the fall! Its on a magnetic board where I've hung different schedules - like the pool hours and church activities!  Summer stuff for now, but it will hold kids' activity schedules in the fall).  The board is also a dry erase board, so I've listed their weekly "commission" - and the breakdown of giving, saving and keeping. 


Morning Routine:

 This is the same for all of them and for each day, so I wrote it on the poster board.  On Sunday, I will decide if they earned their stick for the week (meaning they did their morning routine without reminders all week).  If they do not earn it, they do not get paid for any paid chores they may have done. 

Evening Routine:

They love to spend time with Ed and me in the evenings - sitting & talking, playing games, reading books, etc.  The sooner they complete their evening routine, the more time they get with us.  We used to do room cleaning in the mornings, but it drives Ed batty to put the kids to bed in a messy room and I like the idea of teaching them to go to bed with their things tidy.  They also have mom and dad time to look forward to which seems to be a much bigger incentive to work quickly than school time.  Lol.  Jake has had his room cleaned before dinner every night this week! *Hmmm .... I wonder which kid's love language is quality time??*  :)

If I was going to do it again, I would write the days of the week at the top of each pocket (as they get covered up by the sticks where I wrote them).  I was planning to use library pockets, but didn't have enough (and didn't want to spend money, remember?).  I think they might look a bit more tidy (and I do like tidy!).  Also, command hooks would hold the buckets better than the giant thumbtacks I used that leave equally giant holes in the wall (but, again, using what I already had).  I would have also used a colored poster board instead of white.  But, all of this is purely cosmetic.  I plan to hang a file holder under the calendar to hold other papers we may need as well.   Oh, the extra bucket up high holds dry erase markers, eraser, etc.  I didn't want to be hunting for those when I need them!

It is working beautifully for us so far!  I hope it helps some other mamas!  If you have some ideas, PLEASE share in the comments!  :)

Organized Mom Series: Part 2 ~ Schedules

If you missed Part 1: Maximize Your Mornings - check it out here.

Please keep in mind my heart about this. I want to help - not burden or frustrate. This is not about condemning anyone. Just about helping organize life in a way that works for me ... and can hopefully help someone else!

Does the word "schedule" make you feel secure and confident ... or frustrated and restricted?

I'm sure you can guess where I fall. I've admited, I like systems and routines. I think schedules fit into that. But, schedules only work if they work for you! I look at schedules as a guideline. A routine. A direction to head in. Even a goal to shoot for (in terms of what can be accomplished in a day). I always build in flexibility and "down time." I don't always get everything accomplished, but I get far more done than when I don't have a routine to follow! 

My theory on schedules is a bit like Dave Ramsey's theory on budgets. He says to budget every penny so that you are telling your money where to go. Even without a budget, your money still gets spent. The question is, was it spent wisely? The same can be said of the hours in our days. If we don't "budget" (or schedule) our time, it will still get spent. But, was it spent wisely? Ouch. Even with schedules, I still spend far too much time unwisely!

As moms, we generally have a lot to accomplish. For me, managing a home, raising four children, homeschooling and commitments outside our home can only get accomplished with a schedule. Without one, I'm frustrated and constantly feeling like I can never get it all done.

Sometimes those feelings creep up because I'm doing more than God intends for me. I would encourage you to pray about the priorities God has for you. There are SO many things - many very GOOD things - that our days get filled with. But, if they aren't the things God intends, we will always be frustrated. If this is an area you struggle in, I would encourage you to spend some time working on a mission statement. Being a mom is a position of leadership and as such, we need direction.  I'm a huge believer in being intentional in our roles!  I don't want to spend a lot of time on this, because it could be a post all its own, and there are others who have written about the benefits of having a mission statement and how to write one. If you are interested, go here and here (family mission statement).

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."  Proverbs 19:21

Once you have a handle on what your priorities are, its easy to make a list of all that needs to be accomplished in a week. For my days to be productive, I need things planned out, so that when I've finished one thing, I can move on to the next without getting distracted!!! That doesn't mean I don't stop and play with my kids or read them a book - it just means I don't get distracted by the four gazillion other things that need to be done around here. The work will never be done. So, rather than focusing on trying to do everything, we need to focus on being as productive as we can today.

Since I quite like schedules, I have several! You schedule-haters probably see that as a wee bit OCD, don't you? ;) For me schedules are a way to squeeze more time out of my day, to be more productive than when I try the fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants approach. I use one schedule for the week, one for the kids' chores and several that revolve around our homeschool.

I'm going to break them down - for those of you who want more detail (Lord, help you!) :)

If I was a fancy blogger, I would download my schedules, but alas, fancy is not a word that describes me in any area of my life, so you'll just have to work with a description. Lucky you :)

My weekly schedule is basically the routine for the kids and me. It is broken down into days: Mon - Fri. I don't include Sat or Sun because those days tend to be less ... {ahem} ... scheduled - or at the very least differently scheduled week to week. I don't change this schedule based on things that comes up - it is just our normal routine for ordinary weeks.  Basically, it keeps me focused on the priorities!

I use an Excel spreadsheet that lists my entire day in time blocks. Notice I didn't say minutes or even hours. Its in chunks, because days with kids rarely go as "scheduled." IthinkyouknowwhatImean. If you schedule every minute, you'll end up with a schedule that's blown by 8am ... and frustrated, blaming it on the schedule when you should, in fact, be blaming the schedulER. Did I just say that out loud? 

My time blocks change as seasons of life change. I list my morning routine (which I shared in Part 1) - but in my 7-8:30am slot, I list not only making breakfast, prepping food for the day and fixing my girls' hair but also my chores for the day. (I'm pretty sure hair fixing will not be listed on boy-mom schedules - consider yourselves 15-20 minutes ahead of us multiple-long-haired-girl moms ;) )

To determine my chores, I figure out what needs to be done each week. Then decide what can be done by children. Cause I'm a big believer in child labor like that. :) I break the remaining things down, making sure to take into consideration what else is going on that day. So, for example, I just finished creating my weekly schedule for the fall. Mondays and Tuesdays are going to be busier than other days with outside activities, so I scheduled fewer chores for those days. 

I schedule in school time and break it down by which kiddo I'm working with one-on-one, even though I have a more detailed school schedule separate from this. The other thing I do (which probably does inch into the OCD catagory) is color code my kids. This started as the easiest way to avoid fights over who-got-what-cup in the toddler years. Jordan has always loved green and Jake, blue. Those became "their" colors years ago. Jadyn has adopted pink (which is really quite fitting for her) and Jace pretty much gets whatever is left over - usually orange or red. Since he's not in my schedule, I haven't nailed down a color for him yet :) Jordan's activities are highlighted in green, Jake's in blue, etc. I use this on their chore lists as well. Everyone in our family can glance at lists and know immediately who has what. That might be over the top for some of you, and that's ok. You can still be organized without color coding your children (even if I don't see how) :)

Speaking of children, let's chat about their schedules.

My oldest 3 each have a "Morning Routine and chore list" hanging on their wall in their rooms. I have the 'master' copy (so to speak) of the chore list hanging on the inside of our pantry door (so I alwasy know what they are supposed to do). For their "morning routine" - they each: Get dressed, make bed, brush teeth and clean room. 

Then, they each have chores to do. Everyone puts their own clothes away and helps fold laundry. Yes, I've had to give up the days of perfectly folded (and neatly placed in drawers) laundry. But, I try to remember that one day there won't be any little kid clothes to fold neatly and I'll be sad about it. At least that's what I hear. In the meantime, I just avoid looking in their drawers. :)

They also take turns being the Kitchen Helper (or 'Sous Chef' as Jakey likes to refer to himself ). This basically means that they are my helper in the kitchen for the day - helping prepare meals, loading/unloading the dishwasher, setting & clearing the table, etc. I find it simpler than trying to schedule turns for all those things individually & it provides them a chance to learn some kitchen/cooking skills. Each one of them has 2 days/week - except Jadyn who has 3 (because she has Saturday and Sunday, which tend to be less-time-in-the-kitchen days).

As for their chores: sweeping, cleaning toilets & sinks (I do tubs & mirrors), dusting and cleaning glass tables, watering plants, trash, cleaning out the car, cleaning up the backyard, etc. These are divided up among them, so none of them have all that many to do. I try really hard to give them chores they don't totally mind. For example, Jake doesn't prefer dusting and the girls actually enjoy it, so I try to balance things out like that. And, we switch them around as necessary and as abilities warrant. Jace has no "official" chores yet - but he's a rockstar when it comes to cleaning his room!! Probably because he's number 4 and wants to be like the big kids. 
My schedule includes time to plan and prep school stuff, quiet time for everyone and free time. All necessities! :) Being a homeschool mom, one thing that is hard to come by is time without children in your face (or on your leg) ... so during Jace's naps, the other kids have quiet time in their rooms. They can play quietly, rest, read - I don't really care. As long as I don't hear or see them :)

School schedules: I shared about a lot of our school stuff in this post. As for scheduling, I have a binder! {*shock*}  I have a wish list and these dividers: Daily Plans, Weekly Plans, Monthly Plans, Annual Plans, Curriculum.

Seems like overkill, I know. But, it gives me a place to jot down ideas - whether its a unit study or lapbook idea, a curriculum I want to research, goals, needs, etc. Having everything in one place keeps things streamlined when it comes to planning. The main sections I use on a regular basis are Daily Plans & Weekly Plans. In my daily plans, I have a list of all the subjects I want each of the kids to cover on each day of the week. This is the routine of schoolwork, not a list that changes daily. I also have a schedule for Jordan that has her NACD program broken down into time chunks.

In my Weekly Plans, I have a copy of my weekly schedule along with a master copy of our weekly lesson planning sheet. So, when its time for me to work 1:1 with one of the kids, I can look at my planning sheet to see what I should be doing with them. It sounds more complicated that it really is. Basically I created a sheet that lists the subjects to cover with each of the kids, then each week, I write in the page #s or lesson #s to complete. This list also includes sections where I write in prep work that is required for the week and library books we'll need. That way, when we start the week, we (ideally!) have everything we need!

For Monthly Plans, I just have a calendar with extra space to write.  I fill in days-off from school and list priorities and goals for the month.  Because things are always changing, this keeps me focused on their individual needs and things that need extra focus.  I also jot down ideas for unit studies, lapbooks and books to read that I think of.
Annual Plans has my calendar for the year with our plan for school days.  Scheduled breaks for holidays, etc are filled in. 
The Curriculum section is where I jot down ideas I want to look into for the next year.
None of the sections are more than a page or two, but it still gives me a place to keep all of our plans and ideas together.
I think that covers the schedules we keep.  Another very long post but I hope it helps!

Organized Mom Series: Part 1 ~ Maximize Your Mornings

Alrighty - here we go!  I thought we'd start with the first part of the day ... mornings!

As I said in this post, I'm sharing what I do to keep my home organized and help things run smoothly {most days :)}.  In hopes that it may help someone else.  Not because I think I've got all the answers.  This isn't about the right or wrong.  Just about what works for me. What works for me right now.  Its ever changing!  My hope is that we can all learn from each other.  If you have tips or ideas that work for you, share them!  I'd love to see some discussion happening in blog-land and/or in the comments! 
As we work through this series, you'll learn that I don't have a lot of original ideas.  Just keepin' it real.  :)  I try to learn as much as I can from other women - so as to not waste time "reinventing the wheel."  Some things I do, came about through trial and error.  Other things just evolved over time.  Many things I've copied from other women and tweaked to work for me :)

This generation of moms has a huge advantage with technology.  We can learn from women we've never met and get inspiration and ideas from friends that are thousands of miles away.  There are a gazillion resources online for women.  So, take advantage of those!  But, be careful as well. Being online can consume an outrageous amount of time.  I know.  I've wasted more hours than I care to confess on the computer.  Find a way to control the time you spend online so that it doesn't take away from the priorities God is leading you in.  For me, getting a blackberry did the trick.  I can still check email (and facebook :) ), but without getting sucked in for hours.  Then, I can use my desktop during planned times.  
Also be mindful of comparing yourself to other women.  Again, we are all different.  On purpose and for a purpose!  Focus on who God wants you to be - using your strengths and gifts.  Measure yourself against what God is calling you to do not against what you see as perfection in the online (or real) world.  I'm reminding myself of this as well.  Its way too easy for us as women to feel like we are falling short if we aren't doing what Suzy is doing.  But, God doesn't call us to be like Suzy.  He calls us to be like Him ... and to do the work He has set before each of us as individuals.  Don't lose sight of that!

The most important aspect of organizing your home, is making sure you are seeking God's will.  Ask Him to align your priorities with His will.  He will be faithful to do so! 

Back to the topic of Mornings.  For some of us, we love mornings.  We get more accomplished before 10 am than other people do all day.  Yes, we are morning people.  Others cringe at the mere mention of morning.  The word should not be included in the English language.  Or any other language, for that matter.  The day should never, ever begin before noon.  :) 

For all of us, I recommend an amazing resource called Maximize Your Mornings by Kat at Inspired to Action.  It is a FREE e-book.  I would encourage you to download it and read it right now!  Whether you are a morning person or a night owl, I think it offers very real benefits to being up in the mornings as well as a very simple plan for making it happen.  She also offers simple planning ideas for Bible study and organizing your day and to do list(s).  I'm a list maker, so I dig that.  :)    Kat has also written a blog series about Maximize Your Mornings that is worth reading as well!  And, just for you night owls, there is another blogger who is hosting a Maximize Your Mornings Challenge!  Check it out if you want some accountability as you get started!

I used to always get up early.  I was showered and dressed before my kids got up.  Due to life events of the last nine months, I got out of the habit.  I developed some undesirable habits.  Like using my children as my alarm clock - only dragging myself out of bed when their begging for breakfast kept me from sleeping any longer.  Like spending whole days without a shower.  Days without ever cracking open my Bible or whispering a prayer.  I wasn't living the priorities God had for me.  I knew it had to change - and Kat's book was the kick in the pants  inspiration I needed! 

The first week, I just made myself get up at 5:30.  I didn't do a bible study or work out.  I just got up.  And sat in a chair.  I was training my body clock.  I made myself do it even after I stayed up late the night before.  I highly recommend going this route.  I tend to be an all-or-nothing person so this went against my grain.  But, I'm glad I did it this way.  I think the habit (there's that word again!) will stick rather than fizzle. 

I have created a binder for my mornings, based on the e-book. {You will find binders to be a recurring theme with me. I *heart* binders!}  I have 5 tabs:  Weekly Overview, To Do, Fitness, Bible Study, and Prayer

My purdy little cover

I used some of Kat's forms and made some of my own.  I included a spiral notebook in the Bible Study section for journaling.  I use a blank calendar to track my fitness/weight loss goals.  I also track the water I drink and my vitamins because I tend to forget both those things!

This is a form I made because I needed more space to write.  Who, me??

I've only been using this system for a few weeks now, but I love it.  It makes my mornings streamlined - and I can get a lot accomplished.  This is what my basic routine looks like:
 

5:00 ~ wake up, get dressed in work out clothes, read email (This may sound strange, but its the easiest way for me to wake up so I'm not yawning through my bible study.  I'm pretty sure my friends don't mind if I yawn through their emails at 5am with half a brain ;) )

5:15-5:45 ~ Bible study, prayer, plan (I wish I was in a life stage where I could pull off a Beth Moore-type study, but I'm just not right now.  If/when God leads me to do something more in-depth, I'll do that - and I'm sure it will require more time.  For now, I'm doing short devotions I got from church.)

5:45 - 6:00 ~ free weights, push ups, etc. at home

6:00 - 6:30 ~ gym (we have a little work out facility in our neighborhood that is "free" for residents, so Ed and I have been taking advantage of that, but I have to be home at 6:30 so he can go to work, so I mainly use it for cardio)

6:30 - 7:00 ~ shower/dress

7:00 - 8:30  ~ Breakfast, clean up, chores (more on that later), prep food for day as needed (more on that later)

8:30 ~ start school (with a big ol' cup of coffee in hand!)

I will cover what my children do during these times in the next post.
I think that covers mornings.  At least the earliest parts of them :)  Read the e-book and see if you aren't inspired to get up a little earlier to include Prayer, Exercise and Planning into your day before it really gets started! 

I'd love to know what you think of the e-book ... and what your morning routine looks like!

A Series? By Me? Oh, This Should Be Good ...

OK, y'all ... here's the deal.
I'm an organizer by nature.  Its just the way God made me.  I consider it my spiritual gift.  Don't laugh.  :)  Sometimes I feel silly thinking (much less saying) it, but it just seems to be the truth for my life.  
I like tidy (notice I didn't say clean...so don't come to my house with any expectations).  I like systems and routines.  Its just ingrained in me.  I'm hard-wired that way.  
Now, mix that in with being a homeschool mom with 4 kids age 9 and under at home.  Yeah ... doesn't really lend itself to tidy and organized.  But, I'm also a competitor, so lest these munchkins get the best of me ... organized and tidy it WILL be!  ;) 

I've noticed the last couple years that some of my friends are intrigued by this.  Interested in how I run my household.  As a woman who loves to help other women - especially when it comes to organization or making things run more smoothly - I dig it.  I've shared some of the things I use for running my home with several friends, but I haven't shared much here because I don't want anyone to think that I'm smug about it or a know-it-all in any way.  Far from it!  I'm constantly tweaking things and trying new systems to find what works best for me and for our family.  And, on THAT point, let me just say that I'm a HUGE believer in every family doing what works best for THEM.  God didn't create us to be the same.  Not in our spiritual journey, not in the way we raise our children, not in the way we run or organize our homes (all within Biblical guidelines, of course).  We are different on purpose and for a purpose.  

All that said, I've decided to do a series of posts about organization, running a household, etc. I feel totally presumptuous and completely ill equipped to be offering this for all the world to see ... but that's how I know its God's prompting.  I also know that there are lots of moms who read my blog and if it can help someone, then by all means, I'm on board.

I don't really know what its all going to look like yet - I just know I feel led to do it.  The "series" may be two posts.  I don't know.  I know I can't sit down and put it all into one post and I know its going to take some thought and a lot of prayer!  I'm just sharing from my heart.  So, take it for what its worth!  :)

"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."  Titus 2:3-5

The Joy that is Jadyn!

Today my spunky little peanut, Jadyn, is 5 years old.

Its amazing how quickly life passes by when you stop to look back. Jadyn was born in Dallas and was our first homebirth. She was also my biggest baby weighing in at 10 pounds, 5 ounces!!!! Looking at the petite little thing she is now, you'd never know it! I was complaining to our chiropractor a few weeks ago about her "gerbil sized bladder" (because she ALWAYS has to go potty) and he replied, "Well, she has a gerbil sized body. What size bladder do you expect to fit in there?" LOL! Very true.

She may be small physically, but she has a BIG personality! She is very outgoing, super social, fun, full-of-life and she has added many dimensions to our family. I joke (only slightly) that I had the parenting gig figured out until she came along. She gives Ed and me a run for our money and keeps us on our parenting-toes! She is the epitome of a "strong-willed child." Although, I prefer the term, "high-spirited." :)

She is a big ol' pot of extremes. She brings great joy to our lives ... and sometimes, great frustration. She is quite independent, which will serve her well as an adult, but tends to make parenting her a tad tricky. She is charming - and knows it. She is beautiful - and is told far too frequently. She has a cute little voice - according to people who don't live with her! She is very girly, smart, sassy, busy, entertaining and just plain hilarious!

We love you, Little Miss! You have certainly made your dad and me better parents just by being YOU! And, we wouldn't trade it for anything. You are a wonderful, amazing blessing!!! Happy Birthday, sweet girl!

Babies with Something More

I originally posted this two years ago, but it says a lot about what I feel today ... especially the part about what mother's want. Praise God He is trustworthy to equip us for what He calls us to!

SOME MOTHERS GET BABIES WITH SOMETHING MORE by Lori Borgman, newspaper columnist and author

My friend is expecting her first child. People keep asking what she wants. She smiles demurely, shakes her head and gives the answer mothers have given throughout the ages of time. She says it doesn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl. She just wants it to have ten fingers and ten toes. Of course, that's what she says. That's what mothers have always said.

Mothers lie.

Truth be told, every mother wants a whole lot more. Every mother wants a perfectly healthy baby with a round head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and satin skin. Every mother wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly.

Every mother wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first steps right on schedule. Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear, run, jump and fire neurons by the billions. She wants a kid that can smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy of the entire ballet class. Call it greed if you want, but we mothers want what we want.

Some mothers get babies with something more. Some mothers get babies with conditions they can't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palette that didn't close. Most of those mothers can remember the time, the place, the shoes they were wearing and the color of the walls in the small, suffocating room where the doctor uttered the words that took their breath away. It felt like recess in the fourth grade when you didn't see the kick ball coming and it knocked the wind clean out of you.

Some mothers leave the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months, even years later, take him in for a routine visit, or schedule her for a well check, and crash head first into a brick wall as they bear the brunt of devastating news. It can't be possible! That doesn't run in our family. Can this really be happening in our lifetime?

I am a woman who watches the Olympics for the sheer thrill of seeing finely sculpted bodies. It's not a lust thing; it's a wondrous thing. The athletes appear as specimens without flaw - rippling muscles with nary an ounce of flab or fat, virtual powerhouses of strength with lungs and limbs working in perfect harmony. Then the athlete walks over to a tote bag, rustles through the contents and pulls out an inhaler.

As I've told my own kids, be it on the way to physical therapy after a third knee surgery, or on a trip home from an echo cardiogram, there's no such thing as a perfect body. Everybody will bear something at some time or another. Maybe the affliction will be apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly treated with trips to the doctor, medication or surgery.

The health problems our children have experienced have been minimal and manageable, so I watch with keen interest and great admiration the mothers of children with serious disabilities, and wonder how they do it. Frankly, sometimes you mothers scare me. How you lift that child in and out of a wheelchair 20 times a day. How you monitor tests, track medications, regulate diet and serve as the gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear. I wonder how you endure the praise and the platitudes, well-intentioned souls explaining how God is at work when you've occasionally questioned if God is on strike. I even wonder how you endure schmaltzy pieces like this one saluting you, painting you as hero and saint, when you know you’re ordinary. You snap, you bark, you bite. You didn't volunteer for this. You didn't jump up and down in the motherhood line yelling, "Choose me, God! Choose me! I've got what it takes."

You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in perspective, so, please, let me do it for you. From where I sit, you're way ahead of the pack. You've developed the strength of a draft horse while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil. You have a heart that melts like chocolate in a glove box in July, carefully counter-balanced against the stubbornness of an Ozark mule. You can be warm and tender one minute, and when circumstances require, intense and aggressive the next. You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability. You're a neighbor, a friend, a stranger I pass at the mall. You're the woman I sit next to at church, my cousin and my sister-in-law. You're a woman who wanted ten fingers and ten toes, and got something more. You're a wonder.

Clubfoot Info

Writing is my therapy, so there may be more blog posts than anyone cares to read for a while. :)

Now that I've had a little time to read online, I can share what limited information I have about our little baby boy's condition.

Before I do that, let me add a prayer need. Eddie and I just watched the 4-D ultrasound DVD we rec'd last night. On it is the official paperwork about what the technician saw. Something that wasn't really discussed with us last night is something called a choriod plexus cyst. Apparently, this is fairly common and typically disappears by the 6th month. It could also be a symptom of a chromosomal anomaly. Please pray that it goes away before my next ultrasound and that there is nothing further wrong with our baby!

Is it possible to be both ENcouraged and DIScouraged all at once? That is the only way I can describe how I feel tonight. I am encouraged by what I've read about treatment for clubfoot, yet on the other hand discouraged that I am facing the possibility of walking this road at all. I know in the grand scheme of things, this is a minor blip on the radar - so I am encouraged. Yet, in this moment, my mother's heart is broken and I am discouraged. I fully trust in God's perfect plan for me, my baby and our family and therefore I am very encouraged. And yet there is a pain I just can't describe. Thankfully, His mercies are new every morning!!!

Best I can tell - treatment for clubfoot entails serial casting which begins around 1-2 weeks of age. The casts are changed each week and the feet are manipulated slowly to the correct position. This generally last 6-8 weeks. The heel chords are then released followed by another cast for 3 weeks. After that, a brace is worn - possibly all day for a few months, but then just at night for 2 years. There is another treatment that involves lots of physical therapy, stretching, taping, etc = but also last 2 years. Both have about a 95% success rate according to a study I read about. This is encouraging news.

We would really prefer not to walk this road, but we are willing to go where God sends us. I know that if this is the journey He has called us to, He will fully equip us to walk it. I have already seen Him faithful in that. Sometimes people say, "God never gives you more than you can handle." I can assure you that giving me a child with Down Syndrome was more than I could handle. Thankfully, God has been faithful to equip us with every step ... and I know He will do the same with this.

I am sure I will have more information as the weeks go on - and hopefully more specifically from an orthopedist who will treat the baby after birth (if necessary, of course ... I am still believing God for that miracle healing!!!!)

Thanks for praying for and with us!

Its another ... BOY!!!

We are very excited to learn that we are expecting another baby boy!
We also learned from our ultrasound that our sweet boy has club feet. They are called "club" because it resembles a golf club. His little feet both turn in at the ankles. He is otherwise perfectly developing and healthy, but we are heart broken to begin a journey with a birth defect once again. Not the words any parent wants to hear - and certainly not twice.

We really don't have a lot of information yet. We've been told that this is fixed "relatively easily" - easily if its not YOUR baby :) - and we are grateful for that.

We trust that God is in control and we know that He has a perfect plan for our little guy. And we are anxious to see His plans play out. I am only 18 weeks along, so we have some time before this baby's arrival. During that time, we are asking everyone to pray for COMPLETE HEALING! We know God is a God of miracles and we want to flood heaven with prayers for this baby. We accept and praise God for whatever outcome He desires, but will BELIEVE for a miracle! Please join us in believing and trusting God in this situation.

This has already been a roller coaster of emotion and I have no doubt it will continue to be as we move forward. I will update facebook and our family blog as I learn/know more information. In the meantime, please be praying specifically for healing as well as wisdom & peace for Ed and me - and feel free to pass this on to anyone else you know that will be a faithful prayer warrior with us!
Thanks, Angela

Merry Christmas!

Watch closely ...

The Sustala Six is becoming The Sustala Seven!!

My 9th Anniversary of being a Mom!

If I celebrate 9 years of being a mom, it can only mean one thing ...

Its Jordan's birthday! I know I say this with every birthday, but seriously, where does the time go? It seems like it flies faster and faster with each passing day!

I wish I had baby pictures in digital format (or at the very least, that my scanner was working!). It would be fun to post some of her baby pictures. Unfortunately, this is the only digital newborn picture I have of her ... The best I can do are pictures from when I first started blogging.

2006 (love those missing teeth!)

February 2007

September 2007

May 2008

September 2009

I've written before about how hard the first few months of her life were. What we couldn't fathom those first few weeks was THIS GIRL. The life we have with her. The joy that comes from being her mom (and dad ... I'll just speak for Ed here). The interests and abilities she now has. All we had then were preconceived ideas of Down Syndrome based on faulty notions, which in reality had no basis in fact. They are likely the very same ideas that (dare I say?) *most* people walk around with. Even a lot of people who have "experience" with Down Syndrome.

Jordan is a beautiful, smart, active girl who loves dancing, performing, books, school and all things music!

I have loved being a mom for nine years and I'm so thankful for my girl that started it all!

Precious Mommy Moment

I've been working on an update post (and am hoping to actually get it posted tonight) - but I just had to share a sweet moment with Jace.

One of those precious moments when you wish you could just capture it and hold it forever. It overwhelmed my heart with how lucky I am to be his mom. To have this time to love and enjoy him. It was one of those times when my mommy heart captured the way he looked at me - so that even when he is a grown man, that is the face my mind will remember.

I know I've billed it as a life altering happening. It really wasn't. Except for me.

While I was getting him ready for bed, he just got still and quiet. He talked to me in a soft baby voice and smiled. So sweetly. Sweet face and sweet voice. For several minutes. Just me and my baby. Precious.

Nothing truly major in the grand scheme of things, but if you had been the one looking into that precious little face, I'd like to think the tears would have been flowing for you, too. Cause that way I don't feel like such a sap. But sap or not, it was just precious and I thank God for those times when He shows me not only how blessed I am, but also gives me a glimpse of how much He {God} loves me. How much He treasures the moments when I stop to be quiet with Him.

I'm always amazed that God can use such a routine moment in the day to convict me and move me.

Happy Birthday, Little Miss!

I can't believe its been four whole years since Jadyn made her debut! Her birth was by far my best. She was my first homebirth. My easiest labor. And an easy delivery. Jordan was 4 and Jake was a few days shy of 3 when she was born. They don't remember life pre-Jadyn. But, I do. And I can say with a whole lot of certainty that life was just plain boring before her big, bright personality came to entertain the world!

She is highly social, fiercly independent, creative, unique and wonderful!

I love 4th Birthdays. I can now see that this particular birthday marks a changing point in my kids. Some people hate the terrible two's. For us, age 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 has always been the challenging time. So, the 4th birthday comes in as a new start. A new level of maturity that makes the kids easier to enjoy. A new level of independence that makes life a little easier. As my friend, Amy says for kids like Jadyn, 'the maturity to handle their great big personality!' So true!

Since Jadyn and Jake's birthdays are so close (11 days apart), we are having a joint party on Sunday. An art party since they both love arts/crafts. Can't wait - it will be lots of fun!

Happy Birthday, Jadey-bade! I love you more than you will ever know.

Go Fly a Kite!

I know I've been totally MIA in blogosphere. Sorry about that. Always hoping to do better!

I've missed it!!

Lots going on around here, as you can imagine. I have to say, though, that having 4 kids has been a lot of fun. It is busy - really busy - the first year with any baby always is - and we decided to add to that fun with two moves as well. But, I am enjoying it. And, now that Jace is 9 months old, things are beginning to settle down a bit. He's gotten himself into a predictable routine and is quite the social little man. He LOVES to go. Anywhere. He's the happiest in public and around people. DEFINITELY got that from his dad! lol. Although my mom says I was a social bug as a little one. Apparently, I exchanged my personality somewhere along the way!

Anyway, in addition to the busyness and goings-on of everyday life, I've been working on being better at noticing the "interruptions" of all the little people (don't tell Jake I said that) as appointments to be WITH them. Of course, I'm literally with them all the time, but I mean, really be WITH them ... in the moment ... enjoying and noticing their (never-ending list of) questions, ideas, interests, etc. And, stopping to say "YES!" when they ask me if I want to color, read a book, play a game or watch them do something. I'm trying to remember that there will be plenty of time to wash clothes, clean bathrooms, scrub floors, play on the computer and watch the news. But these days to see a caterpillar or butterfly through their eyes or play Sorry or Chess or Parcheesi or Life (for the 4,000th time) or re-read the same book 10,000 times are limited.

So, my house doesn't look the way it did in days past. And, I'm (becoming) OK with that. Its clean "enough" for now. I knew God had brought me a looong way on Friday. The older 3 kids were playing outside during Jace's naptime. Jake asked if he could get the kite out. I joined them and had a BLAST flying a kite with my kids. When I walked back into the house a while later and realized all I had "missed" doing during the coveted nap time, I smiled. I didn't MISS anything for a change! It feels good to know that the small steps are turning into progress! And, my kids are reaping the benefits.

I've gotten back into making cards and hair bows, which keeps me sane! I don't have a lot of time to devote to it, but I enjoy the minutes I get! One of my favorite things in our new house is that, even though Ed was looking forward to having a study for him, he has graciously allowed me to turn it into a craft room! (a mess of one at the moment!)

I made the girls hairbows for soccer - soccer ball ribbon with Jake's team colors. Go Great White Hungry Vicious Sharks! (now that's a team name, isn't it?) Our coach from last season has returned to help coach this season and he's hilarious. He nicknames all the kids - Jake's is the 'mad scientist' because of the way he analyzes the game. He doesn't have the most impressive skills, but he does have one heck of a grasp on the mental aspect of the game. Those of you who know him aren't surprised! Spending Saturdays at soccer games are really fun for us. As silly as it sounds, its one of those little things Ed and I both dreamed of and looked forward to before having kids. It always makes me smile when I recognize the way God gives us the desires of our hearts.

Obviously there is not time (mine or yours!) to write about everything to the point of "catching up" - so I'll just post some random pics of late and call it good!! Having fun in the back of Granpa's truckWhat a cute boy - playing with the food boxes at our favorite place!Grandpa and Jace

Jace loves his sippy cupMy beautiful girls ...

Perspective

I got this email from Ed today and it just stirred my heart. Check out the video and then read his message below.
He's such a great dad!

http://www.tacmovie.com/

This video makes me think about Jakey’s response about his trophies this past weekend.

Mom: “Which trophy is your favorite?”
Jake: “The small one.”
Mom: “Why?”
Jake: “Because you and Daddy gave it to me.”
Mom: “We gave you the big one”
Jake: “My favorite trophy is the big one.”
Mom: “Why?”
Jake: “Because you and Daddy gave it to me.”

I hope I never forget these conversations and how impactful we are on the lives of our kids. When you see me messing up, please help me get back on track.
Thanks, I love you.

All Revved up

I've completely neglected my blog for a while now ... and even reading your blogs. So, on that note, if you know I typically read your blog and you've made any big announcements and such that I didn't comment on, please let me know! :-)
Anyway, I just heard some news that's got me excited enough to stop and post a blog!

I just watched John McCain announce his running mate, Sarah Palin. I have mixed emotions at first glance.
Clearly, she's done amazing things in her short political life. She appears to be a devoted wife and mother of 5 - her oldest son serving in the Army. And, she's truly pro-life. Not just in politics, but in her personal life. She's set a clear example of that. If you watched her speech, you saw her 4 month old baby boy being held by his older sister. His name is Trig - and what she didn't mention about him is that he has Down Syndrome.
She was told early in her pregnancy that he would have Down Syndrome - and in an age when most people abort babies when they receive that news, she chose to hold firm to her pro life beliefs and called him a "blessing."

So, why would I (of all people) have mixed feelings? I have a huge amount of respect for her already and I think she is a phenomenal choice for McCain. But, as a mother of a child with Down Syndrome - and as the mother of a newborn close in age to hers - I cannot begin to imagine how on earth she will be able to maintain her duties to her children, especially a newborn that requires more than "normal."

Now, I know that my thoughts are probably not popular - and in all liklihood there are women that would be downright angry with my thoughts. Many women would indignantly tell me that I'm wrong - that I should be supporting a woman in politics - that I should be encouraging this as a role model to my daughters and what is possible for them.
Don't get me wrong, I will support the McCain/Palin ticket. I will vote for them. I think its wonderful that we live an age when a woman can be a successful VP. I just disagree with her choice to run at this season of her life. I don't begrudge her the opportunity at all. I just believe that her first priority - and certainly a higher calling on her life - should be her children. That baby will require more from her than I think she will be able to provide in the midst of a presidential campaign - and then life as a VP.
Then again, maybe this will get DS a little more attention - and hopefully she'll be one of the parents that believes in self-fulfilling prophecy with her children and will expect more from Trig than what she's been told to expect!
So, bring it on - I'm sure I've excited some of you as well ... go for it and share your thoughts! I'd love to know what other people think about this!

Babies with Something More

Wow - I read this on a friend's blog and its just so good, I had to share it. There are so many moms - really way too many that will understand this. I look at them with awe and also know from experience that its only by God's grace ...

SOME MOTHERS GET BABIES WITH SOMETHING MORE...
My friend is expecting her first child. People keep asking what she wants. She smiles demurely, shakes her head and gives the answer mothers have given throughout the ages of time. She says it doesn't matter whether it's a boy or a girl. She just wants it to have ten fingers and ten toes. Of course, that's what she says. That's what mothers have always said.

Mothers lie.
Truth be told, every mother wants a whole lot more. Every mother wants a perfectly healthy baby with a round head, rosebud lips, button nose, beautiful eyes and satin skin. Every mother wants a baby so gorgeous that people will pity the Gerber baby for being flat-out ugly. Every mother wants a baby that will roll over, sit up and take those first steps right on schedule. Every mother wants a baby that can see, hear, run, jump and fire neurons by the billions.
She wants a kid that can smack the ball out of the park and do toe points that are the envy of the entire ballet class. Call it greed if you want, but we mothers want what we want.

Some mothers get babies with something more. Some mothers get babies with conditions they can't pronounce, a spine that didn't fuse, a missing chromosome or a palette that didn't close. Most of those mothers can remember the time, the place, the shoes they were wearing and the color of the walls in the small, suffocating room where the doctor uttered the words that took their breath away.
It felt like recess in the fourth grade when you didn't see the kick ball coming and it knocked the wind clean out of you. Some mothers leave the hospital with a healthy bundle, then, months, even years later, take him in for a routine visit, or schedule her for a well check, and crash head first into a brick wall as they bear the brunt of devastating news. It can't be possible! That doesn't run in our family. Can this really be happening in our lifetime?

I am a woman who watches the Olympics for the sheer thrill of seeing finely sculpted bodies. It's not a lust thing; it's a wondrous thing. The athletes appear as specimens without flaw - rippling muscles with nary an ounce of flab or fat, virtual powerhouses of strength with lungs and limbs working in perfect harmony. Then the athlete walks over to a tote bag, rustles through the contents and pulls out an inhaler.
As I've told my own kids, be it on the way to physical therapy after a third knee surgery, or on a trip home from an echo cardiogram, there's no such thing as a perfect body. Everybody will bear something at some time or another. Maybe the affliction will be apparent to curious eyes, or maybe it will be unseen, quietly treated with trips to the doctor, medication or surgery.

The health problems our children have experienced have been minimal and manageable, so I watch with keen interest and great admiration the mothers of children with serious disabilities, and wonder how they do it. Frankly, sometimes you mothers scare me. How you lift that child in and out of a wheelchair 20 times a day. How you monitor tests, track medications, regulate diet and serve as the gatekeeper to a hundred specialists yammering in your ear.
I wonder how you endure the praise and the platitudes, well-intentioned souls explaining how God is at work when you've occasionally questioned if God is on strike.
I even wonder how you endure schmaltzy pieces like this one saluting you, painting you as hero and saint, when you know you’re ordinary. You snap, you bark, you bite. You didn't volunteer for this. You didn't jump up and down in the motherhood line yelling, "Choose me, God! Choose me! I've got what it takes."
You're a woman who doesn't have time to step back and put things in perspective, so, please, let me do it for you.
From where I sit, you're way ahead of the pack. You've developed the strength of a draft horse while holding onto the delicacy of a daffodil. You have a heart that melts like chocolate in a glove box in July, carefully counter-balanced against the stubbornness of an Ozark mule. You can be warm and tender one minute, and when circumstances require, intense and aggressive the next. You are the mother, advocate and protector of a child with a disability. You're a neighbor, a friend, a stranger I pass at the mall. You're the woman I sit next to at church, my cousin and my sister-in-law.
You're a woman who wanted ten fingers and ten toes, and got something more. You're a wonder.

Lori Borgman is a newspaper columnist and author

The "Joy" of Motherhood

Many of you have gotten hooked on "June Cleaver" just like me. Some have asked how I found her blog - I actually stumbled upon it looking for "cool" homeschooling-mom blogs. You know, fun, real moms that don't wear the denim jumper and hair doily (you know what I'm talking about ~ Its the first vision you have when you hear the word "homeschoolers").

She seriously makes me laugh. She's witty and has such a fun way of looking at the mundane things in life. Like motherhood. Her post today is hysterical. Maybe I laughed out loud so many times because what she describes sounds like she's been living in MY house! I don't know, but I just found this post especially hilarious. If you have children, check it out & see if it doesn't make you laugh (out loud!), too!

Relaxed and Refreshed!

Wow. What a weekend. I could not have asked for a better one! The hotel was beautiful, my room was perfect; room service was oh-so-tasty and the amount of time away was just perfect! I got to the hotel on Friday about 3pm, while my super-sport of a hubby took Jordan to ballet - and even though I thought the stay-at-home-homeschooling-moms-on-a-Friday-afternoon-chatter might be a little much for him, I think he was rather proud of how great they thought he was, considering where I was! :-)
Anyway, I immediately unpacked (because I can't stand to live out of a suitcase!) and was oohing and aahing over my room and how perfect it was when there was a knock at my door. It was a bellhop with a gift - very beautifully wrapped - and he said someone had left it at the front desk for me! I was ecstatic and immediately recognized my friend Amy's handwriting on the tag! What a surprise! Inside the box were some cute (maternity) jammies and a hoodie ... along with a couple pieces of chocolate from Stam! Such a treat and a wonderful surprise!
I decided to write out/journal my thoughts throughout the weekend - and even managed to write out some goals for this year. God really worked on my heart while I was away and revealed many things. It was very therapeutic!
I'm amazed at all I was able to accomplish and still manage to feel relaxed and refreshed all at the same time! I'm not real good at sitting and doing nothing, but I tried to do as much of that as possible! I also managed to make about 40 new cards (including some for Valentine's Day) - that's how I spent the bulk of my time.
The room had 2 desks - and one on wheels, so it was great!! (I didn't take a pic of the leather sofa covered in paper! :-) I did a lot of reading, writing, sleeping and just plain relaxing. I didn't think I'd be interested in the TV, but as it turned out, it was a little TOO quiet and I couldn't get the radio to work very well. I watched a couple "chick flicks" Saturday night and stayed up way too late! But, I slept until 8:30 Sunday morning! The bed was so comfy with lots of pillows and one of my favorite treats is sitting in bed, eating room service, so I enjoyed plenty of that as well!
Saturday evening, I got another sweet surprise! Ed video taped each of the kids saying hi and dropped it off at the hotel! It was so sweet and of course, the video of him was in true Ed-fashion: silly! I missed them all, but it was nice to have no responsibilities for a weekend!
I met up with my family when church was over and we all had lunch together, then came home (to a clean house, of course!)! We even had our own little family Super Bowl party last night, complete with a ridiculous amount of junk food! It was a fun way to end such an awesome weekend!

A-L-O-N-E

I get to use my Christmas gift from Ed this weekend! Two nights at the Sheraton ALONE!

I'm totally pumped and have my list all made out of what I want to take and accomplish while I'm there. I'm looking forward to some quiet time to reflect, pray, write out some goals, make some cards or do a little scrapbooking, read, order room service! I can't wait!

I can assure you I won't be watching TV! Or answering my phone. So don't even think about calling me! :-)

I'd like to say I won't be doing anything homeschool-related, but I doubt I'll hold to that. I've got plenty of things I could work on/read, etc, so we'll see how that part plays out! Hopefully, I can make a dent in my reading list for 2008 that I just updated (to the right).

I'm so thankful for my hubby ... not only for giving me a great gift, but also for being such an amazing father and not skipping a beat when it comes to having the kids all weekend. Its just not a big deal to him and I absolutely love that. He's even willing to endure taking Jordan to ballet and the "mom-talk" in the waiting room Friday afternoon!

Thank you, honey - YOU ARE THE BEST!