Thursday, March 06, 2008


I'm totally copying this from one of my favorite homeschool blogs (Heart of the Matter Online). It is written for homeschoolers, but I think this message applies to all marriages, whether you homeschool or not. I bolded some of the points that jumped out at me. Share what speaks to you! Enjoy!

The Principal of the Matter

Today, most homeschooling families are functioning as one income households which means the main financial resources are being derived from the father's employment while mothers are usually the formal educators of the home. This has the potential to place great hardship on a marriage. Our husbands, the leaders of our households, have such a great responsibility. The sole survival of his family heavily depends upon him. Every decision that he makes can alter the lives of his family. This is a tremendous load for anyone to carry. I don't want to dare apply for my husband's position as head of our home.

Men have so many of their own day to day struggles and many times we know nothing about them. And as teaching mothers, we can get pretty stressed ourselves. Homeschooling is not an easy job. We wear just as many hats as our husbands and our jobs are very important as well. As couples working toward the same goal of providing quality education rooted in God's word for our children, we can become closer. But on the opposite side of the spectrum, if everyone is stressed and the much needed attention to the marriage is neglected, it suffers tremendously and slowly begins to degenerate. Which brings us to the unfortunate realization that a number of homeschooling families are divorcing just as other families in the world today. You know that the key factors which lead to divorce are money issues and enormous stress levels in the home. I believe that we can take a few key steps in order to promote a healthy and intimate marital relationship with our spouses. By all means, I don't have a degree in this area other than from the school of hard knocks. My husband and I have been through many trials in our marriage and at one time it looked hopeless but the Lord delivered us through all of them.

First, we must have a personal relationship with God in order to know our biblical role as wife and mother yielding our total being to Him. If we do not have an intimate relationship with the Lord then we are already operating outside of His will and our family suffers the effects in many aspects. Did you know that I had finally come to the realization of a wife's role after a decade of marriage? I had grown up in a divorce household starting at an early age so I had never witnessed my Mother in the role of a wife. I took on her "go get him" and aggressive attitude as she raised four children independently while working two jobs as a Registered Nurse. This is a reason why it's so important for our daughters to view us as Godly examples. I came to the Lord but I kept my rebellious attitude within me. Submission? What in the world is that? The Lord had finally opened my eyes to many issues that I had and He had shown me what I had been called to do and that is to serve my husband. Our first role as a servant for Christ begins with our marriage. When I serve my husband, I must lay aside my own selfish desires and needs in order to meet his needs. I must do this unconditionally. Now, husbands are called to love us unconditionally as well and to also serve us but we do not put restrictions on this relationship. God is holding us accountable for our home ministries.

Next, I believe every Mommy should have her Mommy time. Take some time for yourself. Get someone to watch the children and go shopping, get your hair and nails done, take a bubble bath, read a good book, do a girl's day out or if you are like me, runaway to your home sanctuary. From being in a home with six other people, my master bath has become a sanctuary for me. I believe every mom should have that special place in her home where she can relax and take a deep breath. And I just love my hot bubble baths. I have always given my children strict orders not to knock on that door or tell me who did what unless they are bleeding or dying. My infamous words are "And it had better be a real emergency because I'm a nurse and I can tell if you're faking or not!" Ha! Every two weeks I make it a point to keep my hair and nail appointments while hubby watches the children. I also think it's good for Dad to have his personal time also. He needs to relax too.

Finally, our husbands play such a vital role in our homeschooling. Court your husband daily and let him know that you love, respect and appreciate his efforts in providing for his family and being the responsible Godly headship.

Here are some of things that I think we can contribute to our marriages and truly bless our homes as we strive to be Proverbs 31 women.
Respect your husband in all things. (Prov. 31:11-12; Eph. 5:33)
Pray together. (Prov. 31: 30; Matthew 12:25)
Make a date night once a week or every other week without the children.
Place perfumed notes throughout the home, car and his clothes.
Call him while at work to "just hear his voice" and say I love you.
Write him a poem.
Wear something cute to bed.
Get your hair styled or trimmed and nails manicured routinely.
Wear something nice around the home.
Prepare a hot bubble bath surrounded by lit candles just for him.
Have a home cooked meal waiting for him. (Prov. 31:15)
Prepare his clothes for the next day.
Have the home clean. Have the children clean also. (Prov. 31:27)
Ask him about his day and what he needs. Keep the communication open.
Have conversations which don't include the "C" word (curriculum).
Don't criticize. Let your words be edifying and not terrifying. (Prov. 31:26)
Don't try to take on his Godly ordained role in the home.(Eph. 5: 22-23)
Don't bombard him with problems every day when he enters the home.
Give him a massage.
Play couple games.
Plan a candlelight picnic dinner for two in the bedroom.
Watch a movie and share a bowl of ice cream while in bed.
Take a walk around the neighborhood or park.
Take a trip for two.
Renew your wedding vows.
Always think positive thoughts toward your husband.
Don't ask him if you're fat. (hubby liked that one)
Be consistent.
Let your principal know how much he is appreciated for all that he does for his family.

If you have any other ideas or thoughts to add, please feel free to share.


Sleep, what's that??? said...

I would go for the ice cream one right since I am on the Daniel Fast.. No really, very well put! Thanks for posting this!

your mom said...

I know you are not sharing your bowl of ice cream!!