Saturday, June 05, 2010

Thanks & Update

Thank you ... so many of you have called, sent cards, notes and messages and I'm really grateful! It means more than you know. There are not words enough to express how touched we are by every single person that reaches out to us. I know most people don't know what to do or say, but please know that it is so comforting just to know you are thinking about us or praying for us.

Things are slowly getting better. It's only been six weeks since Jackson was born - it feels like the longest six weeks of my life! I still have hard days - even some really hard days - and I imagine that will continue for some time. I've tried to focus on allowing myself to feel whatever feelings come. That is tough for me since I am a planner, I like to think I'm in "control" of not only my emotions (ha!), but also the hows, whens, etc. Yes, all things God is working on in me through this experience. He's been showing me the areas of my life that I have yet to relinquish control to Him. He's working on my heart in big and small ways and I am learning more everyday about really, truly trusting Him and allowing Him to be in charge.

I am constantly reminded of Romans 5:3-5 ~ and I especially love The Message translation: "There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary - we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit."

I continue to trust that God's plans are perfect - even though my broken heart and human mind scream that Jackson not being here with me is anything but perfect. I know I won't understand until I see my baby boy again. In the meantime, I just have to TRUST in God's greatness and goodness.

1 comment:

Jen Mumm said...

Angela~love and prayers to you and your family. Trust, SO hard sometimes, thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Jen