Monday, April 11, 2011

I have been MIA in blog-land for over three months now. This blog has suffered some droughts in the past, but none quite this long, I don't think!
I just haven't been myself lately. I love blogging and I really want to get back to it. This is the closest thing I have to a scrapbook. Blogging makes me think more about taking pictures and capturing sweet moments with my family. Hopefully, this is the start of getting back in the game! :)

I have been dreading this month since one year ago today when Jackson passed away.

I will never forget waking up at 3am April 11, 2010 in a panic about him. I truly believe God was telling me he was gone. I tried all morning to get him to move. I felt like I was going nuts, but desperate to feel him kick. By noon, I told Ed ... and life felt like it began swirling out of control from then on. One of the most painful memories of that day was watching Ed's face as my midwife moved the doppler around my belly, searching for a heartbeat. I will never forget the pain of watching his heart break into a million pieces when she didn't find one. It was almost as hard as losing my baby boy.
There are still some hard days left to get through this month, including Jackson's birthday on the 20th.
I know the first year is the hardest, so I'm looking forward to getting beyond that milestone. I trust that God is and will continue to bring good out of even this, the most painful heartbreak of my life.
We would covet your prayers for us this month!


Doree said...

Praying for you & your family during this time.

Lori Eilers said...

I have been thinking about this for about 2 weeks, knowing you'd be preparing for the 20th. I've been praying for the comfort of the Holy Spirit to overwhelm you and that you'd have an unexplainable joy come over you. I will not say I understand because God spared me from this particular tragedy but I will say I stand with you in your time of healing and know His faithfulness will bring you through. I love you, my sweet friend and am a phone call away!

Olivia said...

Praying for you sweet mama! Know that many people love you and your wonderful Savior holds your hand! Thank you for you honesty and allowing us to walk with you!