Due date

So, I'm back to Jackson ...
Any guesses as to what occupies a good portion of my thoughts?  :)

Tomorrow is my due date.  Was, actually. 

August 4, 2010 is a date I started looking forward to in November last year, when we learned we were expecting our little guy.  Then I started dreading it in April, when we learned our baby was gone.  The date didn't change.  Only the circumstance. 

I haven't felt like tomorrow would affect me much.  Mainly because I feel like Jackson "should" be here - I've already given birth to him. My grief is centered around not having a three month old in my arms. 

But, as is typical with this crazy beast of grief, it blind sided me today.  As I was scrolling through updates on facebook, pictures of someone's baby boy hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was surprised because pictures of others' babies haven't affected me much up until now.   Being around babies is extremely difficult, but pictures haven't been a big deal.  So, I'm not sure how tomorrow will hit me.  Though I'm guessing it will be a bigger deal than I thought a few days ago. 

Today I find myself wishing I were complaining about all the discomforts of late pregnancy.  And, for a girl who does NOT enjoy being pregnant, that's sayin' something!  :)

God is still faithful.  I cling to the truth that He is in control, that He does have a perfect plan and that He is, above all else, GOOD. 

I would appreciate your prayers for tomorrow.